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turboladen

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  • Grief

    It's funny the things people cling to when having lost something dear to them. Ok, not really funny--interesting, I suppose is a better word for it.

    I turned on NBC's special tonight which, of course, featured the tragedy that occurred yesterday in Virginia.
    Stone Phillips was interviewing a group of students, asking your basic set of questions for a school shooting tragedy. While chowing down some naan and some Indian dish from TJ's that I can't remember the name of, I heard some things that at first listen sorta made me think they were silly. I initially took a sec to consider if I was a jerk by thinking these people were overreacting, but this started triggering some other half-thoughts (a half thought is something that pops in your brain, but you can't quite complete the full thing)--thoughts that wouldn't complete for a few minutes. One of the things I heard went something like (all paraphrased):

    Stone Phillips: Is there anything that you'd like to tell your fellow students, friends and family that are struggling right now?
    Student: That we're here for you... we'll be there for you...

    Me:
    What would it be that they would be there to offer me in such a scenario? If I was one that was at a loss in the current tragedy, I don't think that if I needed something that I'd ring up some students that I don't know for any sort of comforting. I'd just want my friends and family--heck, I might even just want to be left alone for a bit. Yet, this seems to be a common occurrence though... and if I were in the midst of this whole thing, hearing that statement from another student might just make me feel better. I mean, that's what we all want in a similar scenario, right? To rid the hurting?


    Another question:
    Stone Phillips: Is Virginia Tech going to pull through this?
    Student: Totally. At the end of the rally today, we all started chanting, "Go, Hokies, Go!"

    Me: Why would chanting some sports cheer, some mascot-y footballer talk, some phrase with people which you mostly don't know actually be a sign of pulling through tough times? Then, the second I had taken earlier, which had turned in to a couple minutes, started completing: this type of action is a sign to yourself... something familiar... something that shows you're part of a group... a group that's struggling with the same issue... aaaah...

    We're comforted, at times, through people being by our side--sometimes by people that we don't even know. People that openly struggle with us. Perhaps that's something that Cho Seung-Hui didn't have the luxury of experiencing when he needed it. Perhaps he did have opportunities for that, but shunned them for other reasons, thus "driving" him away from anything that had a label of comforting.

    Times of hurting are necessary. They show us that we need each other, whether we know each other or not. Whether we want to be alone, or whether we want to be the center of attention. People are people people. It's how we were made.

    On second thought, maybe it's not so funny, the things people cling to. In fact, does it really matter what it is we cling to (as long as it's not detrimental to their being)?

    -----------------------------------------
    "Can you not see death as the friend and deliverer? It means stripping off that body which is tormenting you. What are you afraid of? Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave it with regret?"
    -
    C.S. Lewis

    -----------------------------------------
    grief
    n 1: intense sorrow caused by loss of a loved one (especially by
    death) [syn: heartache, heartbreak, brokenheartedness]
    2: something that causes great unhappiness; "her death was a
    great grief to John" [syn: sorrow]

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    • Blogger atout says so:
      Wednesday, April 18, 2007 7:52:00 PM  

      Crowd behavior takes attention over individual behavior through the infectious spread of emotion. When a community experiences a traumatic event often individuals try to commensurate with others about their collective experience. To try and create an automatic support group. The urge to commensurate with others, to ventilate emotions.

      What is unfortunate is that this is temporary. As weeks pass it will no longer be the buzzing conversation. Columbine sparked large statements about gun control and reaching out to depressive adolescence. Eight years later it's a vague memory. If our community would have kept these issues on our tongue would we be where we are? Would Cho Seung-Hui acted as he did if he felt compassion from one individual? Would he consider Eric & Dylan martyrs? Who knows, our chance was missed.

      Perhaps excessive attention and collective grief alleviates some of the pain felt by those directly affected. But in turn perhaps it yields more damage than good.

      (hint...i before e except after c.) top

    • Blogger turboladen says so:
      Thursday, April 19, 2007 12:26:00 AM  

      I'm vividly reminded of our microwave culture after reading your comment above--you've got a great point. I wonder, though, how problems will be solved despite the rate we all move through our minutes, hours, and years. When will we all have time to attend to them? It seems that new "big" things happen so often, that time that was being spent trying to deal with the last big thing must be cut short to deal with the next. (Sounds like I'm talking about work now...) Perhaps we're all assimilating too much info on a daily basis to focus on a single thing.

      I don't think I'm making any profound statement by saying that there are obviously some widespread issues in this country--one of the major ones being "depression." ...which manifests itself in to countless tragedies per week, albeit on a far smaller scale with regards to being media-centric. I wonder how different our lives would be if this wasn't so widespread of an issue. If large numbers of people didn't have this effect their lives on a day-to-day basis.

      I wonder what our lives would be like if there was no more media such as it is. I wonder what it would be like if I didn't know that Britney Spears was pregnant the day after she conceived. I wonder what it would be like if I didn't know who Britney Spears was--not because I had made the choice not to listen to radio stations that played her music, or because I chose not to purchase it, but rather because it wasn't involuntarily forced down my ears on a daily basis. What would it be like if I didn't know that she had put on weight and shaved her head? I think my level of anxiety would be lower by factors of factors. I don't think I'd have to worry in the caves of my brain that I'd get made fun of for having a keg instead of a six pack for a belly. The entire nation knows that to be cool, you've got to have a six pack, right? Or I need to drive a lowered, blacked-out Escalade, rollin' on 24s...

      Too many images floating around.
      Too many images with unimportant criticism attached.
      Media says said unimportant criticism is important, so it becomes important. Whether we want it to or not. Dig deep down, and part of you (not "you" as in atout you, but "you" in general) tells you that maybe it is important. It's important so you'll be accepted... right? We want in the group... right? And if we don't want in that group, we want in the group that doesn't want to be in that group.

      And the crappiest part of it all, is that it's impossible to abdicate oneself from that whole mix. It is our culture. We are what make up this whole thing. Yet somehow, ma$$ media (emphasis on the $$)--a small selection of "us"--get to plant these insidious little whispers of thoughts in our heads that slowly build and incite us to act in ways we never would have. BS.

      As you said, excessive attention and collective grief may be a nice remedy for pain initially, but maybe those things aren't even healthy(?). Maybe just a notch down of those things, but for a longer time is the prescription. Or maybe we all need a batch of really good friends that will always be there to attend and grieve with us, but in small doses. Maybe that's what family is supposed to be.

      I don't have an event in my lifetime which caused me to grieve heavily, nor do I feel I have much of a family to which I would do that with, so I can't really speak from experience, but maybe this whole thing really does go back to "fixing the family" (I get nauseated even saying that, via flashbacks of Dr. Dobson radio programming)...

      I think I want to move to a Southern French village, grow and sell veggies, maybe barter with the locs, build my own facilities, make my own beer... and forget the TV was ever invented (wow--I say this all as I'm typing on a laptop that's sending data through the air that gets transmitted to the rest of the world--all while sitting in bed in my PJ's... ok, maybe I'd go a little nuts in the French scenario, but still...).


      ------------------------------
      Epidemic \Ep`i*dem"ic\, n. [Cf. Epidemy.]
      1. (Med.) An epidemic disease.

      2. Anything which takes possession of the minds of people as
      an epidemic does of their bodies; as, an epidemic of
      terror.

      -------------------------------
      fad
      n : an interest followed with exaggerated zeal: "he always
      follows the latest fads"; "it was all the rage that
      season" [syn: craze, furor, furore, cult, rage] top

    • Blogger turboladen says so:
      Thursday, April 19, 2007 12:28:00 AM  

      BTW, thanks for the hint. I can't beleive I did that. Just kidding--"believe"... har har har... top